melancholy

Have u ever felt that something that u heard from someone close to you is hard to be understood, even tho they tried to make us see/believe in what they just said? If ur having a hard time pinpointing what they are trying to say, u know my feelings rite now.. the only thing that u know is that those are the honest truth and ur clinging on ur faith to that truth. nothing else, really. so with that in mind, as most considerate ppl will do, i too am trying hard to figure what they’re trying to say, why they say that and most importantly, what change or adjustment do i need to make. and so far, i have no (+) result. no wait, make it zero result coz all i have now is just a pile of questions in dire need of answers. quality answers. answers that will make me go “OH THAT’S IT!!” or “GOTCHA!”.

the words “not getting her involved”, “so easy to appear to scold”, “unfinished feelings/business”, “current actions that are compared w/ others past actions that may lead to bitter conclusion” are those that dancing in my ballroom rite now and i cant pick up the rhythm. i really cant. and honestly, those are new phrases for me. well, on the good note, i believe they meant to push me to the better direction. on the bad note, what i’ve been doing is just to stop the bleeding that keeps leaking, if not with more ebb. my ”creative muscles” need a rest too.. or have i ever flexed it for a second, since the answers are yet to be found. idk. could it be that i was “just seeing oasis” when i was “thristy”? halah, apa coba? hahaha..

ow well.. i think i just need more time to clear the clouds. there are so many clouds in me these days, with one crap unfolding after another. enuf of that for today. GBU all, embrace happiness. G’nitez~

Melody of Spring

Cold is fading

and the sun starts singing

It is anything but a promised feeling

that invites us smiling

Let your heart swing

and await the fling

in melody of spring

25 facts

here is my 25 personal facts:

1. hmm what should i start with? hmmm.. Hmmmmmm.. oh ya, i was born in Bandung lautan api but at 5 or 6 yrs old, I moved to Jakarta, sunter mas tepatnya. I spent about 4-5 yrs there and moved to sunter pratama and had stayed there for 8+ yrs. Had a 6+ month stint living in Bandung, and finally, has been staying in Canada for 8 yrs and counting. Yes, I moved a lot.

2. Rumah pertama gw di sunter mas tuh nomer 26, pas bgt sama tanggal ultah gw. Still speaking of 26, my 26′th poem is coincidentally dedicated to MG, my current gf.

3. I was raised in Jakarta for 15 yrs or so, but Bandung’s atmosphere always wakes something special in me, eventho I only visited the lovely town once every year for a month or so. I cant quantify that feeling but it’s like.. the feeling of knowing that someone awaits you at home and serve super delicious food + provide nice companionship.. working ppl who’s polite to the max.. the angkots.. the rumah jepi every sat and play CM.. udara sejuk jam 7 pagi (kayanya dah engga lagi yah kalo ini hehe).. the chix, oops! bah, jadi kangen gw =p

4. kaset pertama yg gw beli: backstreet boys! hahaha.. i know i know.. msh mayan apal lagi gw sama liriknya bbrp lagu BSB.. ♫ get down.. get down.. and move it all around ♫ hahaha

5. Dulu maniak game sampe beli majalah fantasi yg isinya cheat codes and preview acara2 kartun macemnya saint seiya dll. Game favorit: mortal kombat (apal bgt tuh dulu jurus2 and tombol2nya buat each player’s fatality, friendship, babality, tomb, brutality)

6. favorit activity in indo: maen bola, ciaka, di lapangan basket depan greja ato di lapangan tenis depan rumahnya hendrik.. it seems like back then, we dont care about blistered foot.. this thing, i can do forever (aside from billiards).. sampe gw punya anak cucu pun gw ladenin dah kalo yg laen msh kuat lari hahaha~

7. Termasuk orang yg jarang ngobrol bareng ama fam, coz most of my time are spent in the learning centre and with friends.

8. ga pernah ngerasain yg namanya temenan abadi, paling banter 2-3 taon trus ilang kontak hehe.. partly because sempet pindah kota (bdg - jkt - missi), and pindah sekolah (sd, smp, sma, smuanya laen skolah). But i must say that i dont find it extremely hard to get new friends.

9. for the same reason mentioned above, it makes me extra cautious to open up myself to new ppl, even to ppl who i’ve known for years because there is that fear of lost. so, to some ppl, i dont even know if i ever can.

10. but even in a murky state of mind, i am not overly melancholic. i am capable to snap out of it and cheer back up.

11. i am a huge fan of a balance, so if ur nice to me, i’ll be just as nice, maybe even a bit nicer hehe.. and as might have been expected, i hate hipocrisy, it’s like.. how in the world they tell others what not to do if they do that themselves. pssh!

12. i strongly believe that calm confidence is contagious.

13. i do write poems and most of the theme are abt what i feel towards a certain action and/or person. mind me, i dont write poems that is straightforward hehe.. i like the implicit/cyclic wordings, just like how billy corgan wrote his lyrics and poems. oh btw, as you can tell, Smashing Pumpkins are my #1 band.

14. valentines and birthdays are special for me.

15. i am open-minded and a bit of a philosopher. so, you can pretty much talk about anything with me, if you know what i mean. I may preach abt how things should be done too hahaha (dont worry i know my limit). But i kinda oppose the gay/lesbian marriage because of religious reason.  

16. i am an empathetic human being (someone who will try to put themselve into other’s shoes when it comes to helping others). i believe this is the trait that drives into taking teaching jobs.

17. other facts abt my teaching job rite now: everything started when i bottomed out. i was desperate for cash because my loan repayment started to kick in and i thought that no jobs suit my passion to help/assist ppl to get out from their difficulties. then my mom suggested me to try to tutor. with grunts i flipped the yellow pages, but strange enough, the first company i saw on the list was the one that i started my teaching career with. i still remember clearly that the manager was dazzled when she found out that i knew that place from yellow page plus the fact that i was lucky enough to come in a perfect time when they needed someone for covering the weekdays. Miracles do happen when you least expect it.

18. i dont know if this is karma, but back in my highschool days, i never like biology as a single bit and i always look for shortcuts whenever possible. but look at me now, i have to know and teach it. ha~

19. i like being around school society. it makes me feel young. also, teachers are the most underrated yet important ppl that DO decide our future. without them, there wouldnt be lawyers, dentist, engineers, or presidents.

20. i truly believe in old sayings such as ”try before you regret”, “human may plan, but God is the one who makes it work” and ”hardwork will put us in the luckiest position to achieve our goal”

21. will always cherish teamwork accomplishment, such as the ones I got with CIA. it’s such an awesome feeling when you’re trying to achieve a goal together with someone, or i should say a group of ppl, whom you trust and are dependable.

22. Having an opportunity to form a band, write our own songs, be able to perform it LIVE in front of 30+ audiences (and make a profit) is one of my life’s best gift.. ever! Ga pernah sdikitpun kebayang kalo gw pernah naek panggung dan ngeband bawain lagu2 sendiri bareng Inner Waltz =) I will miss you guys, and look forward to jam!

23. My elders, dating back to my grandpa, is fond of billiards and he actually had his name plated in bumi-sangkuriang pool club as one of the tournament’s champion. knowing this, i felt responsible to inherit this ability.

24. still believe that writing love letters are the most effective way of revealing your feelings =) almost all of my past relationship started off this way.

25. and sad but true, the ones i didnt write letters to.. reject me hahaha.. except the first and the current one =)

26. the end. haha.. what are u expecting?! xD

Submarine

hummppphh february’s almost gonee… but luckily im not alonee.. altho the wind is still chillin the bone.. to the bright blue sky my heart is flown..

o yeeeaahh~ how u doin minions? how’s ur feb goin? i hope y’all find this month as warm as i do (eventho the weather’s kinda messing with us for those who live in nothern america).. di bulan kasih sayang ini, aku merasakan sesuatu yg indah (ari ieu budak teh kunaonnn siaahh?? lol) ok, let’s cut to the chase.. shall we?

Today marked my first.. month.. in a new.. relationship. WAAIITTT.. hold on.. it’s coming =) i know it’s been a while since i happen to connect and share with someone I called the special one.. so it feels good coming back to do and feel some love =) and i tell u, this might be the one that requires the biggest effort(not to mean that i am minimalist tho) so that’s like twice the joy once the relationship blossomed hehehe.. there has been bumps here and there from the very first beginning, which imo was scarying because i’m kinda traumatic of this, but luckily enough, there was her and her grace when dealing with those, so i felt easy if we happened to have different opinions.. all in all, im just happy to be with her =) and how bout the celebration? we just did our normal stuff lah.. church - dinner - movie (i just came back like 15 mins ago for the record). we had dinner at sushi tei and watched he’s not that into you.. that movie really contains some classy lines everybody should be aware of when they’re about to take another steps in their relationship.

rewinding to past days, oh yeaaa… me and my buddies went to salad king and we all ordered 2 meals each! hahaha.. i had siam fried rice and later, pattaya chicken.. the others had some golden curry and sea queen (squid version of pattaya chicken).. and after the dinner, we went to chris’s place at 7 carlton to play some poker hehehe.. ahh that place.. brings so much memories =) the band, the party, the old friends, the laughs at 12th floor.. I pretty much spent about 70-80% of my spare time there in my univ. heydays..

oh yea how’s work? i would never ever imagine this thing that we did actually happened.. we shot a comercial lolz! as i expected, it was a scripted one where the PD had an image of what the commercial are going to be.. and honestly, i just couldnt connect to his concept partially because he couldnt speak english.. i thought my scenes were kinda awkward and i smiled too much (the PD’s desire btw).. ow well, it was done so im just waiting to see the result.. aside from this, nothin major sticking up.. except that my schedule to NY is monday and thursday (which makes my weekend kinda longer!!).. friday in my hometown. sweet =p but some marks will come up and i can’t wait to see the result of the students and ELC’s hardwork..

anyhoo… that’s it for me now. im kinda beat up now (and possibly feeling a little sorethroat.. damn those 2 meals in salad king).. aite, im signing out. peace~

a day before dad’s 53th bday

Hi folks… how’s ur january so far? it’s been hectic for me, coupled with this uncertain weather. thx God i’d been healthy all the way =)

knp sibuk? well, bulan januari (and nanti bln mei) itu saat kritis buat murid2 gw prepare buat exam mereka. so makin intense dah tuh pressure buat mereka to do well or better than what they had in the midterm. but im kinda relieved now coz exam2 mereka uda pada kelar and semester baru bentar lagi mulai. bbrp dr mereka pun uda dapet nilai yaaikkkkksss… so here it is, si kembar: david improve dr 52 jadi 68 for physics final mark and andy dr 76 jadi 80 for the same physics! gw dah dag dig dug tuh, esp si david krn ni anak gampang nyerah bgt =) dr pertama emang gw prediksi nih anak ga bakal jauh dr 70an. owh well, meleset dikit cincai lah yaaa, yg penting improved.. buat yg laen, si brandon and jong, besok mereka baru dapet =)

kmaren ini jg kita sempet pergi bareng.. maen bowling and makan pho bareng (sialaann gw makan curry goat pedesnya ngujubileeee .. sampe gw ga bisa konsen ngobrol ama bos gw.. ga enak bgt gw terlebih krn gw ditraktir.. hahahaha.. yg ada malah gw minta minum trus).. maen bowlingnya jg mayan seru tuh. keliatan bgt kalo mereka tuh seneng bgt pas maen bareng, meski ada diantara mereka yg jago maen, but all of them had a blast (inc. my boss) =) so all in all, it was a nice trip with the guys.. i just wish this happened more often coz that day was colourful. it really ensures me that im taking the right direction in my life…

neways that’s it from me. tommorow’s my dad’s 53th bday =) still alive and kicking yo! hari sabtu nanti makan2bareng and minggunya.. ehem ehem.. we shall hear something useful hehehe.. adios..

LAMBAI

Pagi berganti malam

Malam terhapus pagi

Ada yang pasti

Dibalik semua jejak alam

Mereka melambai

Dan mereka pasti kembali

Mereka biarkan tiap insani

Renungi apa yang telah terjadi

Lewat satu janji, yang bernama hari

Selayak janji yang selalu dinanti

Kadang ia melayang tertelan malam

Tapi tak mungkin pergi

Walau tak pasti dan mencekam

Ia pasti disini dan sinari pagi

Lepaskan jiwa dalam sekam

Inikah yang dimaksud janji hati

Apakah ia akan kembali

Apakah ia abadi

Atau apakah semua itu hanya pelangi

Yang ada dalam mimpi

Midnight Wishes

Finallllyy I found some spare time to update my blogs! how’s everybody doing? been enjoying the view of snow drizzles? I hope all is well and ready for christmas shopping =) I still have some items that i’ve been hunting for like sox, and some dress pants kekeke..

anyhoo, basi bgt kayanya daritadi hahaha.. kemana aja yah saya? jadi jarang msn juga nih kalo malem2. what happened?? u gotta blame wii and xbox for this hahaha.. ga jarang gw ngewii malem2 jam 2 pagi abis ngeXbox (i.e. ngeWE bareng housemates) =p so, trakir ini sih, hari gw mulai jam 11 pagi gitu deh.. jam 11 pagi sampe jam 3 pagi, that’s how my day rolls nowadays.

work is good too.. i’ve gotten a firmer grip on the system and my manager said it’s been a progress that he wants to see. yes, there’s been hardship that we, as a team, have gone thru. but as i said to my manager, that he has picked the right person with the right passion, i want him to keep up with his goals and promises so we can realize those. it would be wonderful if we can achieve all those that’s been said in 2-3 years of time. How bout student progress? well, since i’ve started and spearheaded the company in mississauga, i havent seen major progress yet. i even kinda “blur” when i see marks decrease T____T but im not sad anymore, and those things only serve as a “voice that leads me into a better direction”. so far, after that incident, all i see is a steady inclining progress as far as work ethic, both for me as a teacher and for the students. i even felt that one of the brats is tamed! hahahahaha.. ternyata.. anak kecil itu emang perlu diarahin dan mesti s.a.b.a.r. =) but all in all, so far, my choice of life has given me nothing but a colourful day =)

aside from work.. *cough cough* i’ve been kept busy with emotional issue (ahhh dia maahh, pake acara isu isuan segala lol). yes, im on the “market” again, if u know what i mean =) and it’s something that i do for the first time, and that is to be patient “for that happy day to come to us”, eventho both of us know how we feel towards each other. emang sih, kadang hal2 kaya gini bikin sedikit uring2an.. pertanyaan2 seperti “why does someone, who just broke up and able to like someone, NOT want to have a relationship just yet?” .. or from my own paper heart, “how does someone ‘earn’ a trust, if the other party does NOT take a bit risk to put trust on that someone?” isnt this like, you gotta be a bad guy and try to prove that u are NOT that bad? or even more extreme, you gotta prove you are a good guy that you are because they have a bad image on you.. these questions really kill, and i havent got the “answer” yet *alarm alarm*~ we’ll see whether this question diminishes over time as I wait thru the snowy night, making midnight wishes…

anyho’s.. it’s almost time to prepare for work.. im so glad i can find time to write stuff again lol.. hope this year leaves a good memory, as always. Adios amigos! Happy holidays everyone!

For Her [White Lion Lyrics - Never let you go (Return of pride 2008)]

When the bed is cold as ice
And tears are falling from your eyes
Afraid to make a move
But dying to be touched
When the night is getting long
And we are blind to what is wrong
If only you could see
With you I want to be

When the questions in your head they are killing you
Just remember what I said and promised you.. promised you

I know , I know
I wont ever let you go
And I will love you everyday
And I hope I pray
There wont ever come a day
When we will say goodbye
Cause love can never die

There are times when nothing works
And all you do just getting worse
In your mind youve given up
But waiting to be found
When your hope is gone and lost
And you dont know who you should trust
Youre crying out for help
You try to carry on

When the time is running out and its the end
Just remember what I said and I promised you.. promised you

I know I know
I wont ever let you go
And I will love you everyday
And I hope I pray
There wont ever come a day
When we will say goodbye
Cause love can never die

Spesially dedicated for someone whom I wait for.. MG

Alecholik (minuman pelepas stress)

aku mau masuk surga
tapi aku engga mau kerja
buat apa kerja…
kalo tau.. pasti masuk neraka (ka ka ka)

tapi jangan panik
minumlah alecholik
yang cukup apik
apalagi sambil bisik bisik

alecholik
minum berkhasiat sblom bikin lirik
elo elo jgn pada sirik
kalo si alex memang assyiikkk

memang kata2nya cukup dangdut
tapi kalo elo belom keriput
lo tau dia itu orangnya penurut
tu dada ga usah diurut urut
karena emang.. alex is gut

Quarter Century Gig

well well well.. what do we have here?? the bad boy of blogster is back! lolzz.. how u doin guys?? been enjoying the october so far? moga2 bulan ini smuanya sehat2 and bahagia yaa =p penting bgt neh jaga kesehatan, jgn sampe sakit and sering belajar and *woopppsss.. apaan nih?? kok ada yg lempar kulit pisang sih kesini?? lol*

so so.. october eh? bulan penuh berkah hehehe.. mari kita mulai dari kerjaan deh. kerjaan so far ok ok ajah.. there was bumpy roads here and there especially on monday the meeting day coz i receive weekly review and comment on my performance. the passion of teaching is always there and i felt that i’ve done my best but sometimes things dont always go as planned aja kali yah. i learned that it’s kinda challenging to keep a  reputation, big time.. bayangin ajah, tmp les gw itu rada terkenal krn nilai murid2nya bisa naek 10%. tdnya gw pikir it’s so attainable but bbooyy was i wrong big time hahaha.. skrg ini realistisnya sih, yg paling gw bisa kerjain untuk skrg2 ini is to maintain the high average *high 90s* for the good students and bring the mid to poor students to 60-70s.. cant think about bringing some improvement yet.. the underlying problem is that the kids that im teaching rite now is the lazy bunch, so they dont think abt improving their mark themselves. i can only think one student who has that mindset lol. but the rest of the bunch is either in dire need of fiery motivation to look up to their future or be independent to themselves. beda sama tempat kerja tutoring gw yg dulu, dimana hampir smua murid yg dateng itu ngerti kalo mereka butuh bantuan, hence they’re happy if they’re given work and want to do well.. i guess rite now, my job description would include parenting too =) but that’s OK.. i enjoy working with kids (altho sometimes i want to scream or smack their head lol) =)

And skrg ini di kanada lagi musim gugur.. meaning banyak angin kenceng and brrrr.. pokoknya dingin bgt dah~ not the type of weather that would cheer you up. anehnya nih, kayanya tiap ganti cuaca gw tuh selalu jatoh sakit for some reason.. and yes i fell sick and i felt that this is by far the worst sickness that i’ve had.. it’s not just a congestion and stuffy nose, but i had heartburn, indigestion etc etc T_____T *ouch* yea, it’s that bad. and this thing cost me a good 1 week to rest myself.. salah gw jg sih krn gw keseringan tidur malem/pagi hehe~

But in the midst of all that jazz, there is silent melody that’s been ringing in my head and this melody has been filling my life for about a month now. at first, i couldn’t enjoy it because it’s so unexpected. up until now, i still wonder why she would sing such melody.. it all started when the unexpected buzz in my msn. it was so unexpected that it really turned on my skeptical alarm. long story short, i think i begin to find a string of comfort with this tune. i also realize that it’s kinda impossible if i try to figure out why she would sing this tune, unless i asked. the tune that im talking abt here is about curiosity, desire and interest and it’s been a long time that i heard this kinda tune before hehehe.. i do try to add a couple of beats here and there and im just hoping that this tune turn out to become my favourite song =) apa arti smua ini, rasanya cuman waktu yang bisa jawab.. rite now, im just happy to listen and dance to it =p *sori guys, detilnya terlalu panjang buat diceritain*

And last but not least.. the bad boy just had his quarter century day last sunday!! and boooyy… what a great feeling it is to have when you have a combination of great food, great companions and great “tunes” hehehe.. the original plan was to have a paintball session.. and i changed my mind to just have bowling session because it’s easier to prepare, but this plan also went down the drain because the lack of the crowd interest plus most of my buddies were still having midterms, so finally i made up my mind to just have a dinner together with my buddies.. it turned out that there were 16 of them coming! biggest crowd i’ve ever seen for my b’day! hehehe.. this turnout even beat the one on my bday 2 years ago (when i got treated of 10+ shots of liquor by my classmates lol yeaaaa fun times!) Sooo.. this time, we were having sushi buffet and i think everyone got a mouthfull of unagi nigiri, shrimp tempura, kalbi, dragon rolls, spider rolls etc etc.. and i even had to go to the washroom to “unload” some of it lolzzz it’s kinda funny too because apparently, the bday cake came delivered when i was still in the washroom and that was the time when everyone sang a happy bday lol. dudee.. i could even hear the clapping and the singing from the washroom as well as the “yaiikss-where-is-the-bday-boy?” kinda spat hehehe.. but as soon as i got out, the mood started to come back and now it’s my turn to surprise them hehehe~ i treated everyone a sake and i asked them to give me a testinomial about me.. i was very very glad that i could hear what they say about me live.. straight from my buddies!!

The original idea was to have a roast, but i guess pertama2nya tuh gw ngasi pembukaan yg terdengar cukup serius jadinya mereka ikutan serius hahahaa.. *i was expecting something like… iya nih si alex tu suka (place any kebiasaan jelek) dll… * but they’re pretty serious… like… one of the girl said that alex is, and will always be, a good listener, and she felt that she could talk abt almost anything to me.. bla bla bla.. and i was wowed =p if i could sum it into some phrases, they said i am a loyal friend, good listener, sensitive, patient (sometimes too patient, as one of them said), and this apparently led to a trait as a good father (and boyfriend).. *kok ga ada yg bilang kalo si akang ini cukup romantis yah? lolzz *najesshh, uda dikasi hati minta jantung dan paha* but all in all, i was genuinely thankful so i gave them a speech back saying that I appreciated their comments and i was thankful that they acknowledged me during the span of our friendships =) honestly speaking, i didn’t want that day to end.. because that surely would go down as one of the unforgettable moments in my life~

Anyhow… that’s all for this october edition, boys and girls~ it’s been a fun year and let’s keep it that way hehehe. adios!!